You just say, “It’s okay.”

I’m sitting here at midnight knowing that I should be getting to bed. I’ve spent the last few hours looking for some kind of solace. Some kind of answers. Looking for a breakthrough. I want to feel at peace. I want to sleep well again. I want to go more than one night without my bed shaking. I don’t want to get sick to my stomach every time I think about going to sleep. I want the heaviness gone.

I’ve tried everything I can think of. I give up. Maybe that’s what you want, God? I know what I want. But what I want more than anything is for Your will to be done. More than anything I could ever want on this earth, I want to serve you. If you want this all to continue for every day of my life, I am okay with that. Life serving you isn’t supposed to be comfortable. The devil only attacks people who are dangerous for the kingdom of God. I can handle anything with You, except for feeling far from you. Please take away whatever is preventing me from feeling close to you. I need your strength, especially now. My whole life completely changed in the last two weeks and I don’t have the strength for that on my own. Please be my Jehovah-Jireh. My El Shalom. Please calm my restless soul. If it is at all possible, take this cup from me. Not mine but your will be done.